The Cynic Olympics

You know you know them. Those people that on the outside look normal, but on the inside, are really just swirling cauldrons of cynicism and irony and negativity. My life has suddenly become inundated with such people and I'm not quite sure how to rid myself of them.

It's one thing to be all witty and sarcastic and ironic. It is quite another to become a wet blanket in conversation. I really feel as though I'm too old to deal with persistent cynics on a case-by-case basis, so if you are one and plan to spend much time around me, here are some ground rules.

1. Do not underestimate the power of bubbly. No, I don't mean champagne; I mean being outgoing and friendly and inherently full of cheer. I am bubbly. Don't take away my bubbles. They are important to me.

2. Not every conversation I have with you is meant to be an argument. I have an opinion and so do you, but it is not necessary for you to take your opinion, whack me with it and then force it down my throat. It's just not nice.

3. Your sunny demeanor confuses me. It has fooled me into thinking that you actually are sunny, when in fact, you just appear that way. For the benefit of those around you, knock it off with the Pollyanna and just be the sourpuss we all know that you are.

Whew! I feel so much better. Now if I could just email this list of guidelines to all the cynics I know, I'd be in great shape. You don't think they'd be offended, do you?