Hellooo Christmas!

Dear Santa,

I'm sorry that I've been a little neglectful in my blog posting of late. Surely you haven't missed me. What's that? You have? Oh pooh, you must be kidding! Well then, let me not waste any more time. Here's a list of my top 10 wishes for Christmas, followed by the top 5 most memorable moments of the holiday-season-thus-far. (I'm saving the other 5 for after New Year's.)

I wish for...

10. Energy. Lots and lots of it. Right now, my beautiful but comfy floral chair has sucked every bit of energy I have. It's my own little rock of kryptonite, right in my den.

9. The writers' strike to end. Please, oh please, Santa! Can't you make them go back to work? Clash of the Choirs, Duel, Re-runs of VH1's Dumbest Celeb Quotes Ever... Can't you see the havoc that is being wreaked upon our televisions? Oh, wait. I get it! This is a big, fat sign from up above telling me to get OUT of my chair and DO something. I see... Very, very clever Santa.

8. Patience. Starting tomorrow, Santa, you know that I will have to endure three long days of nothing but family. If it were only my family, I'd be happy. But noooo, Santa. There's Christmas Eve dinner, followed by Christmas Day lunch, after which we travel for Christmas Night dinner, only to be awakened the next morning by Day-After-Christmas cheese toast breakfast, and then, the Ultimately Dreaded Lasagna Lunch with the Bakers. Heavens to Betsy.

7. New recipes. How many times can a girl make Forgotten Cookies? Or fudge? I wish for new recipes that are easy, delicious, and whose ingredients can be found at Food Lion.

6. More rain. I am terrified by the drought. Not so terrified that I'm saving water in buckets and milk jugs, granted, but still frightened enough to take shorter showers. Oh, look at that! It's raining right now! Hot dog!

5. More Christmas cards with fewer babies. Don't get me wrong friends, I love your kids. Really I do. But now that everyone has a kid except me, it seems that the only cards I receive are combo birth announcements. "Christmas Came Early This Year! Baby Girl Jones. 6 lbs. 7 oz. August 1st." That's not Christmas, that's summer. Really, people.

4. Another Spears debacle. The only child in the Spears family that has yet to make a complete ass of himself is Bryan Spears, the eldest and apparently wisest of the three. Jamie Lynn's kid has no chance in this world... Wait a minute. Wasn't I just saying that about Brit's kids? Ah, yes... Redneck Spears Cousins: The Future of Hollywood.

3. No in-family arguments this year. I realize it's a tall order, but if poor Brian has to endure another Baker fallout, I'm just not sure he'll make it. I mean, he'll make it, but he'll want to suddenly become an only child. (Okay, so this is MY wish, not his, but you get what I'm saying.)

2. An all-around Baker household weight reduction. I think that, collectively, the four of us weigh as much as a tractor trailer. I'm doing my part, but Lucy, Charlie and Brian have yet to see the benefits of cutting back. The bellies on those felines are out of control. Time to rein it in.

1. Health. For Dad, for Frank, for myself, for everyone I know and love. That's not asking for much, is it?

And now, the Top 5 Most Memorable Moments of the Holiday Season Thus Far:

5. Dad bought gifts for Mom early. Like right after Thanksgiving. This is memorable for several reasons, but mainly because the tables have turned... He thought ahead and I procrastinated. Now I'm left at the 11th hour to wrap her gifts. There's a lot of them and they're all heavy.

4. The Baker Christmas Tree Disaster. See previous blog.

3. Elizabeth's champagne intake at the Champagne Christmas Brunch. I drank too much, talked too loud (and also too much), and I think I offended some people. Oh well. I'm the only one that entertains anyway, so it's not like I'll be minus an invitation anywhere. Plus, what's a party if no one behaves like an idiot?

2. The Student Services Fish Fry. Up until Thursday, I'd never eaten croaker before. And now I know why. The shrimp were scrumptious, but now I see why Toney's on enough blood pressure medicine to make his eyes look like a crack whore's.

1. And the #1 Most Memorable Moment so far has to be the Annual JCC Christmas Luncheon. I was nervous for weeks, couldn't eat a thing, bought new clothes, sweated and panicked my way through it...and I lost. Granted, I lost to a Vice President, and several people said I was robbed, but still. I am not the recipient of the Outstanding Staff of the Year award. Bollocks. I had grand plans for that $1,000 and I had on a cute outfit to boot. I must say, though, my loser face was really Oscar-worthy. Take that, Susan Lucci!

Finally, 3 Things I'm Most Looking Forward To In 2008:

3. Giving up Staff Development Day. 'Nuff said.

2. Getting closer and closer to my 5% pay raise, aka my master's degree.

1. The endless number of 30th birthdays - including my own! (September 15th. Write it down. Mark it on your calendar. Take vacation and make a trip to SmithVegas to celebrate with me.)

0. (I forgot one!) Ellis' wedding. Even if BB's not in the wedding, we'll still be there to cheer on his very best friend since Andy Griffith.