Could I write a manuscript, too, please?

So it's Monday morning, the office is (unsually) quiet, and now that I've jinxed myself, the masses will come pouring in, just the like rain. Half my office is gone, and frankly, I like it that way. Susan came by this morning with the first few chapters of "The Susan Chronicles" and I am madly in love.

Hopefully she won't care that I'm sharing this, but...the backstory is that Susan went to college at ECU back in the 80's and while she was there, she met three other Susans and they all became best friends. Their lives collectively are like telenovellas but better, and she's turning that all into a book, but with only three Susans. So far, one of them is dead but we don't know which one, and then we find out how the three Susans meet each other in college.

Have you read "Charlotte Simmons?" Rush out immediately and read it. It might take you 6 months, but it's so worth it. Then, when you're finished, rush out immediately and get Curtis Sittenfeld's "Prep." Shorter, also worth it. And maybe by then Susan will have a few more chapters done and I can keep you posted on what happens to the fictional Susans.

Five years ago, my former BFF Melissa talked me into writing about society in Eastern NC. I got about four pages in before we had a (huge) falling out and somehow that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I've never been able to really write fiction, (yes, John Gregory Brown, we know how much you hated everything I ever wrote), but creative non-fiction is a no-brainer for me. I desperately want to escape into fiction, find a character, explore him or her, and be surprised about where his or her journey takes me and the reader.

There are so many reasons not to, like grad school, my regular job, my night-teaching job, my life in general. But then I remember the days back at Sweet Briar, in my deepest, darkest depression, and how writing was a catharsis for my soul...really, like no other, not even cigarettes, and oh how I loved them.

So Susan, you and the other Susans have inspired me. Perhaps I won't start writing, perhaps I'll give in to all the excuses I can find, and perhaps I'll just be content reading your manuscript, which I hope to goodness turns into a phenomenal published novel. In the meantime, I'll keep blogging and I'll tell myself that this kind of writing is just as good for the soul.

Blips on the Radar

So here's my weekend, in no particular order.

1. Bennett was here for Caroline's game. Seeing the two of them? Wouldn't have missed it. Fabulous. Watching a soccer game from the backseat of a hot, cramped car? Not so much. But hey, who am I to eschew a little variety every now and then?

2. Sometimes people tell you things, and they don't necessarily need for you to give them your two cents. For instance, if I tell you that I'm going to do such and such to my house, don't tell me it's a waste of money. I'm likely to tell you how you've wasted your money.

3. Friday, it was 82 degrees here. Saturday, it was 42 and raining sideways. My closet, my sinuses and my cats are all confused, as well they should be.

4. I had a conversation with a very important person this weekend about my career plans. Here's hoping it goes somewhere. I also tried very hard not to have a conversation with a not-so-important person this weekend. I don't like her, she doesn't like me, and eventually I'm going to have to consider a cease-fire. Damn diplomacy.

5. I had the incredible pleasure of visiting the almost-completed farmhouse on Friday. The wood floors are the most beautiful I've ever laid eyes on. The wall color brings in the light and highlights the wood grain. The cabinets are custom built and have beadboard inlays. I told Drew he needs to be one of those carpenters on HGTV or the DIY network or something. He said he would hate that. I think people would love him. If you live here, know us and want to see the farm, please do. The transformation is remarkable.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret

For those of you too old or too young to remember, that's the title of one of The Great Judy Blume's fantastic books. Tonight I went to a fabulous party, and while I was there, I ran into people I see all the time and people I never see. The former group was polite and said hello, while the latter group said, "Elizabeth! Oh my gosh - I love your blog!"

Are you kidding me?!

Mostly I write this blog because I have things to say, or write, that clear my mind of its clutter. About 95% of the time, those things are meaningless to people in my life, so I write them here in order to feel like I've talked as much as I want to. (Yes, people...even as much as I talk, there is still more to say. Hard to believe, I realize this.) What only occurred to me tonight is that people are actually reading this.

People are actually reading this!

Should I edit myself? My previous posts? Have I said something that's too incriminating (or worse, not incriminating enough)? Have I offended anyone yet? For about five minutes I had this debate with myself, and then I realized that frankly, I don't care. Have I offended you? Don't be so sensitive. Have I incriminated myself in any way? Oh, please. I was never as good as people thought I was in the first place. Should I edit myself? No way.

So I'm here. And so is my blog. Just like Judy Blume's Margaret, I'm here saying what it is I have to say. And it feels good and I like it. Maybe I didn't know you all were out there reading, but now that I do, I'll try to be somewhat entertaining.

And last but not least, speaking of entertaining, you two girls that invited me to San Antonio have no earthly idea what you're getting yourselves into. Tequila?! In Texas?! Don't ask me twice!

Lady on the High Seas

That's right, I said "high seas." Where are those seas? Oh, those would be the ones between Miami and the Bahamas...the same seas my cruise ship will sail in May! Woo hoo! My girlfriends from work and I are celebrating our 30th's a little early this year. We're sailing Royal Caribbean to Coco Cay and Nassau, with a stopover in Miami first at the Mandarin Oriental. You might have read recently that Kate Hudson and Jennifer Aniston have been staying there while Jen and Owen Wilson film their new movie, "Marley & Me." Hopefully we'll spot some more celebs while we sip our own lychee martinis on the beach. I'll keep you posted.

Easter lunch on Sunday was fabulous, mainly because (step away if you don't want to get hit by the lightening) I didn't go to church first. Gasp! I know, I know. It's Easter. But in my defense, I really haven't felt well for last couple of weeks and I missed every service during Holy Week. That aside, I did feel good enough to eat with the family, or some of them, and we had such a good time. I'm not sure if that's because of who I was with, or because of the entire bottle of champagne I drank mostly by myself. Either way, good times.

Sunday before last BB and I were also treated to a marvelous meal. My MIL took us over to the Umstead for their Sunday champagne brunch (are we seeing a pattern here?) and while it was trés chic, we were there with my SIL and her two daughters. Oh, me (as my Nana used to say when we told her something shocking, interesting or not-so-interesting but which needed a response). Let's just start with the facts: the hotel on the outside is pretty, but looks like an office building. Inside, it's gorgeous and is filled with millions of dollars worth of art (and tulips and orchids). The food...well, it was a little "eh." I mean, it was good, but it was a little boring and while the service was impeccable, brunch took over two hours. Is that really necessary? I think not. Especially when Carolina is playing Clemson for the ACC title.

Overheard at the table during our Umstead experience:

Niece: "Mom, can I go play outside?"
SIL: "No, you may not. You need to tell this nice man what you want for lunch."
Niece: "Mo-om, you KNOW what I want to eat. I want chicken fingers with fries, a steak and a fruit plate."
SIL: "Sir, is that possible? I know steak isn't on the children's menu, but can she have one?"
Waiter: "Uh, let me check with the chef."
Chef: "She wants a steak? Like a filet? I can find one for her, if that's what she wants."
Niece: "Yes! That's what I want! And I'm hungry NOW, so can you bring the bread, too? My mom didn't give me any breakfast and I'm starving."

Needless to say, the plateful of petite filet, chicken fingers, french fries and fruit went mostly untouched, until SIL ate some of it. Instead, Niece #1 and Niece #2 spent their time in the ladies room, where they used a hotel notepad to require guests to "sign in" when they arrived in the ladies room and "sign out" when they left. I wouldn't have believed this unless I had seen it with my own two eyes - Rachel Jenkins and Amy Stephenson, whoever you are, thanks for signing. You saved us all from some horrendous tantrum.

Tips on how to pack for a cruise? Let me know...I only have two months to narrow down my choices!

Saturday Quickie

Just a follow-up from last night's antics...

1. I didn't pass out at 7:30 like I thought. I can hang longer, like until 4am. I'm so proud of myself.

2. Champagne goes down a little too smoothly, and after a while, so does wine, beer, tequila shots, vodka and late-night-vodka-with-pomegranate.

3. Though we don't know the outcome of Miss Cabana Tan 2008, I can safely say that she was tall because of her 6-inch heels, hiding her cellulite with her spray tan and her body glitter, and had a tattoo on her lower back of some Chinese character that inevitably is spelled wrong.

4. No matter how much you protest, if you spend enough time in a piano bar, you will wind up on stage pantomiming "I'm Too Sexy" in front of 200 people.

5. My friend Shelia, a black grandmother, enjoys Heineken and Billy Joel. I don't know why this caught me so off guard.

6. Susan's husband Keith is a little lewd and lascivious, but somehow that makes me like him more.

7. Tamara should never wear fishnets, and I'm afraid no one will ever tell her that. It's so very unfortunate.

8. Conversely, Carrol should always wear a fedora when her hair is curly. As was pointed out to me this afternoon, it's oddly sexy to see a girl in a fedora. Who knew?

9. My top-hostess ranking has fallen to #2. Heather has stolen it from me with her very chic bath products in the shower, making breakfast for 4 people after 3 hours of sleep and cleaning up after everyone. It will take time for me to figure out how to top that one.

10. Finally, I think that I shouldn't be in the presence of cameras after midnight. If those pictures of Andrea and me show up on the Internet...well, I'll have some 'splaining to do.