Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I've Moved!

I've moved over to a site on Wordpress. Don't know if it's better...just know it's different. Anyway, come visit me there! http://www.twiceasgood.wordpress.com. See you soon!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Why my lungs hate me

I actually don't know why. I don't know if it's the heat, or if it's the fact that I breathed in grass and air and dirt and dust all weekend, or if it's just because my lungs think it's funny. Either way, I can't breathe for all the coughing and my doctor thought it would be great fun to go on vacation this week. So I'm taking Mucinex, which doesn't work, but does make your pee stink, in case you wanted to know. BLECH. I hate feeling like crap. Plus I've slept at least 12 hours every night since Thursday and I still feel like I could sleep until next Friday, skipping most meals and everything in between.

And now that I've brought you down a few notches from whatever sunny, optimistic place you were in, I'll tell you that misery loves company. Welcome! I watched Regis and Kelly this morning, and I have to say that Mario Lopez, who guest-hosted since Regis is probably off at the Fountain of Youth getting his weekly tonic, is cute to look at but HORRIBLE to listen to. His voice got all high lately. When he was AC Slater on Saved by the Bell, I really don't remember his voice being so high, nor do I remember him being so girly. But today, he giggled. Ew. What a turnoff. On the other hand, I also watched Rachael Ray and am more in love with Mariska Hargitay that I already was. (If you're completely ignorant and live in a hole and don't watch Law & Order: SVU, she's the lady cop on there. She's fab.) Not only does she have great hair, she's also really funny. And she's best friends with Hilary Swank, who took her to Paris for her birthday.

I'm going back to bed now, where it's snuggly and comfy and where nobody cares if I cough all over everything. Enjoy your day...wherever you're spending it. I'll post an update later on Guiding Light, or Ellen, or Oprah or whatever it is I decide to watch after my nap.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It's an interesting idea...

Yes, Molly. We did offer ourselves up as human rotisserie chickens on Friday night. It lasted approximately an hour. We never saw the bride and groom (who were presumably inside the museum comfortably resting in the A/C) and we left when our clothes were so drenched that they weighed about 5 lbs. more than they did when we put them on. GOD. It was miserable. Poor girl having to be a bride on a weekend like this.

And so goes the weekend. Today the high is supposed to be 102, though I would venture to guess that it goes higher than that. Yesterday I almost gave myself a heatstroke by watering plants and walking to and from the mailbox - in this kind of heat, I don't think you should do anything except take cold showers and eat inordinate amounts of ice cream. I've done both, by the way.

You know what I haven't done? My table of links project that's due, oh, tomorrow. I'm in the process of teaching myself how to create a table using SeaMonkey, and I have, but it looks like crap and I've lost interest. So what shall I do instead? Blog about it. I put this project off as long as possible... I went to the outlets yesterday and bought shoes. I went to the movies and watched Sex and The City. PS, BEST MOVIE EVER. I cleaned out my closet. I did laundry. I watched shows off the DVR. I even took my Web Design book out to the pool today and splashed around a little. It got wet and is now as wrinkly as my shriveled fingers.

Then I sat down to actually do what it is that I was supposed to do this weekend and found that I'm much better at wasting time than actually using it wisely. I have decided that there should be some kind of award for Best Time Wasters Ever. And then we can waste time by having elaborate awards ceremonies, which we would've planned but were too busy wasting time to do. Genius. I am so much smarter than I give myself credit for sometimes.

There's also someone out there who deserves a little more credit than she gets, but it's not for the same reason. While she shall remain nameless, let's just say that Smarty Susie isn't quite as smart as she thinks she is. She might have a super-high-paying job and a fancy schmancy house in the big city of LA with a big diamond ring on her finger, but Smarty Susie just can't seem to get it together. Past Smarty Susie incidents include calling my husband by the wrong name, introducing me to people I've known all my life and saying not-so-nice things about people while they're listening. Her latest foray into the world of smarts is to write me a thank-you note for a party that I did not give her. Susie and I are relatively the same age, yet the letter starts: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Baker..."

Well, Smarty Susie, the good news is that once I get around to planning the Best Time Wasters Ever awards, you will be the first recipient, my dear! Because that sweet little note you wrote me was just that - a waste of time. It was a nice thought, though, and I did get a good laugh out of it.

I'm off to table with SeaMonkey now. It sounds like a watersport, but sadly it isn't. I'll blog more tomorrow, I promise. I know you simply can't wait!

Friday, June 6, 2008

My kids

So you know, nauseatingly so, how much I love Heather Armstrong? Well, today I'm stealing a line from her, or actually from her daughter Leta: my kids. Apparently Leta has started calling her friends "my kids," and so Heather has started doing it, and you know if Heather does it, well probably I'll have to do it too. Example: Heather puts a cute dress on Leta, and Leta says something like, "I think my kids at school will like this dress." LOVE IT.

What's up, my kids? I'll tell you what's up. Last night BB and I were watching "In Plain Sight," this new USA show that's along the lines of "The Closer" and "Burn Notice" (read: along the lines of ALL THINGS GOOD), when I saw flashing red lights go by my house. In case you don't know, I live on a street that's way back in a neighborhood where random flashing lights don't happen much. Being the nosy drama hound that I am, I bounded barefoot out the front door and saw that two ambulances had stopped at a house right down the street from me. I'm staring, like I do, and Brian's all, Hey, you shouldn't stare. It's rude. I know it's rude. But it's also rude to be a neighbor of someone who needs an ambulance and not know what happened to them. God.

Anyway, my poor elderly neighbor Ralph had a heart attack. A bad one. His wife fixed hamburgers for supper last night and he thought he had indigestion really bad. She wanted to call 911, he didn't, she did anyway, and it's a good thing, because apparently it was a bad one. I haven't gotten an update this morning, but I've been thinking of them, and I hope Ralph is okay. You should cross your fingers that Ralph is okay too, because it's the nice thing to do.

So then after that, we finished watching TV and we went to bed. Somebody said something smart and we laughed for a while, and then I discovered that while I was dozing, BB disappeared. Apparently this oppressive heat makes me snore more (or that's what I'm blaming it on, anyway) so he went away to the guest room to slumber in peace. I woke up at like 1:52 am (I looked at the clock) choking. This has happened to me plenty of times before, so thankfully I didn't panic quite as much as I normally do. Acid reflux is a bitch, by the way.

Anyway, I went back to sleep after my ritual of prescription-I-should've-taken-this-morning-but-didn't-which-is-why-I'm-up-now + Tums + lots of ice water + some gum. BB wakes me up at 5:15 to tell me that the cats don't like the cat food he bought them. Huh? You are SERIOUSLY going to wake me up pre-dawn to imply that I should get my ass out of bed early and go buy them some tuna that they DO like? Oh, hell to the no. Miraculously, I went back to sleep after that and woke up just before 10am when Carolina Ballet called, probably to sell me some season's tickets to Swan Lake.

So now it's 11:20am, I haven't had breakfast, nor have I thought about showering until just now when I'm typing this, and the only thing I'm looking forward to doing today is NOTHING and going to see Sex & The City with my mom late this afternoon. I'm excited to see the movie, but a little nervous about watching it with JUST my mom. I mean, we've both seen the show (the whole thing, a million times), and we're all grown up and adult now, but there's just something unsettling about knowing that Kim Catrall will likely describe some sex act in detail during this movie - and I'll have to watch it sitting next to my mother.

Then after that we're going to a dance for a kid that's getting married tomorrow. Ordinarily I wouldn't go, but it's at the Ava Gardner Museum tonight at 9pm, and I'm interested to see whether or not the rumor is true that they're going to put a tent and a band out in the courtyard. I just think it'll be cool to dance in 100-degree heat amongst gowns Ava wore in The Night of the Iguana and Mogambo. (Not that I've seen the movies...I've just heard of them.)

Happy Friday, my kids. Some of you I'll see tonight. Others of you I don't know. And perhaps SOME of you I'll see someday when you hop on a plane and surprise me for my 30th birthday. Which is September 15th. HINT HINT.

Hasta!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

It's Barack Obama Day

Tonight I was listening to the news, and I heard Charlie Gibson say, "And now Tom Joyner offers his perspective on today's events..." And then I hear Tom Joyner say, "Today is Barack Obama Day. Even if you're out there pumping $80 worth of gas in your Civic, it's still Barack Obama Day."

Tom, I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you there. Yes, it's an historic event. And yes, today is all about Barack Obama (I loved when he told the story of calling his grandmother to give her the news). But Tom, $80 worth of gas in my Civic really has not much to do with Obama, and despite the day's events, I'm pretty sure that unless it's Christmas and Santa left me a money tree, I'm not celebrating anything in light of the $80 in gas. Just so you know.

In other news, Poofy came by with the baby today and he has the most hilarious hair I've ever seen on...anybody. Baby or not. I loved on him for a while and then BB came by to hold him and it was remarkable how much that kid calmed down when Brian had him. He kept looking straight up into his face, he took his little fists and clutched Brian's shirt and he looked so peaceful. And then Brian shot me that look, and I know there's a baby conversation looming somewhere in my future, I'm just not sure when it's going to pop up and surprise me.

Also, a big fat glass cutting board fell on my head tonight. It slid right off the counter and right onto my head (I was leaning down to close a cabinet) and BRIAN WATCHED. He just sat there and watched! Luckily I have a hard head. And in spite of the delicious pork tenderloin he grilled and the yummy new potatoes he roasted, I ignored him during supper. Who just watches a glass square fall on someone's head?! Brian, that's who.

I'm going to watch "The Bachelorette" now. It makes me feel better about myself, and I need to feel better about my baby-less, goose-egg-head self. Even though I don't want babies. And goose eggs are hot.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Raisins, vitiligo and other cruise stories

I'm. So. Sleepy.

Not just sleepy like, woo I need some coffee, but sleepy like I might have fallen asleep in the bathroom a minute ago. The cruise was a million tons of fun, but the exhaustion I'm feeling right now is akin to jet lag, and my flight was only 2 hours! WTF? Also, I'm sitting still, but strangely it feels as though my desk is swaying a little...

So here's a rundown of our days, and I'll try to follow it with some excerpts from my travel journal (do NOT laugh; if you've never done one when you travel, you totally should):

Thursday: Left RDU on time as scheduled, after lunch and a Viva Rita at some pricey airport restaurant. Smooth flight, landed in Miami and discovered that no one speaks English there, nor is there any other weather than 90 degree humidity.


Arrived at Mandarin Oriental after the hottest cab ride known to man, stuck in traffic on 95, and realized that Carrol's friend Liane is actually in charge of VIP relations. She gave us a quick tour of the hotel (include the infinity pool where Jennifer Aniston/John Mayer were caught smooching!) and then showed us to our suite. OMG. It's literally like no other place I've been. Ordinarily the suite runs for about $3000-$4000/night, but we paid $50 each. No lie. It had a bathroom and a half, a huge living room, chocolate sushi and strawberries upon our arrival and the most amazing view of downtown Miami from the 16th floor.



Quick dip in the pool, then off to dinner at Azul, where the restaurant manager sent over courses of hamachi and wild mushroom risotto before our dinner of crusted halibut. Amazing. We were so stuffed from our dinner and drinks that we crashed early. Highlights from that day: passing by the Miami PD, whose facade BB and I know well from watching "The First 48," and flirting with a 50 year-old French man who cooks. What more does a girl need in this world?

Friday: Breakfast at Cafe Sambal at the Mandarin, then on to the Port of Miami, where check-in was a breeze. Thankfully the customs lady appreciated my extra documentation effort when I handed her my birth certificate, marriage certificate, license and passport. Even still, everywhere on board that I used my SeaPass gave me a receipt saying "Margaret Davis." Seriously. It poured rain all day, until we finally got far enough out into the Caribbean. Andrea and I had drinks on the sun deck while the other two napped, and we had dinner and disco dancing that night before crashing around 1am. Our cabin was actually a lot roomier than we thought, which was nice, but the toilet is like an airplane one - if you're not careful, it will suck your bum down with it when you flush. (Aren't you glad I'm sharing all of this? You, too, can be prepared when it comes time for your first cruise.)


Saturday: Our attempts at sleeping in were for naught. We had breakfast, boarded the tender and headed to CocoCay, Royal Caribbean's own private island in the Bahamas. Heather and I rented mats that float and we laid in the ocean on those practically the whole day, laughing as we bumped into non-English-speaking people who didn't understand a) how difficult it was to steer those things and b) "excuse me" in English. Formal night was that night, and after Carrol's 17 outfit changes (by far my favorite part of the night), we had our pictures taken and enjoyed champagne with our dinner mates, Tony and Maria. Highlights of that day: CocoLoco, raisins and the cute little Indian girl who had on more gold jewelry than I own.

Sunday: Nassau. Maybe we didn't go far enough inland, but boy, it wasn't my favorite place. It reminded me a lot of Cancun, in that it had liquor stores next to Cartier next to cheesy tourist shops on streets all through town. Most places were closed since it was Sunday, and we never made it over to Atlantis or Paradise Island, which really didn't bother me much. Last night on the ship! We spent it shopping in the stores onboard, followed by drinks and dinner, then some late-night gambling. I didn't know how much I love slot machines. But I do. A lot.


Monday: In a nutshell, Monday went kind of like this: Get up, wait in line. Eat, wait in line. Play some gin, wait in line. Give Andrea the middle finger when she tells me my tan looks like vitiligo, wait in line. Pay $50 for my 57 lb. suitcase, wait in line. Laugh until I nearly split my side, wait in line. It was the longest travel day EVER, considering how not very far we traveled, but whatev.

Cruising isn't for everyone, I've discovered, but guess who it is for? ME! I loved it and am dying to take BB on one to Alaska. Enjoy the pictures...I'm sure when my brain recovers I'll have funnier stories to tell. Wanna see more pictures? Go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/elizabethbake/Bahamas2008.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Where has the time gone?

Things I didn't realize were happening, but which have happened:

1. Molly Ringwald and Kirk Cameron grew up. Don't ask me why I know this, but ABC Family has a new show coming out about a pregnant teenager (hello, Juno?!) and the mom is Molly Freaking Ringwald. I'm so not kidding. Also, Kirk Cameron has a new book about being the Christian father of 6 kids. (Which is significant, because if he were any other religion and had 6 kids, it wouldn't be? I don't get it.)

2. Someone decided it would be a good idea to recycle Beverly Hills, 90210. Like you can mess with perfection. For those of us that watched and remember, Tori Spelling is coming back as Donna, Jennie Garth as Kelly, and Ian Ziering as Steve. They're going to be the older, grown-up versions of their former characters, with Lori Loughlin and Rob Estes as the parents of the Mid-Western family that moves to BH. Of course, we all remember Lori from "Full House" and I remember Rob from "Silk Stalkings" - which still I wish I had on DVD. Anyway, I love a good flashback and this provided one for me.

3. Ryan Maxey went out and made something of himself. Please do not assume that I am surprised; I am not. I'm merely pointing out the fact that our class clown, our no-good trouble-maker friend, the hilarious guy who, when he was around, had our parents' eagle eyes on him, now lives in San Francisco and runs a poncy restaurant where he is also the sommelier. At EW's wedding, he was uber-friendly and remembered random things about me, like when I moved to Hendersonville and that I went to Sweet Briar because my grandmother went there. Boy I wish I'd kept in touch with him...

4. All the weeks until the cruise passed. One day, we had six weeks left. And then suddenly, we leave tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready, though luckily the birth certificate was located. I was born at 2:56 pm; my mom was 26 and my dad 38 years old at the time. Just in case you wanted to know.

5. I got old. My passport picture is from my senior year in college, and now I have wrinkles. I never thought I had wrinkles. I don't notice them in the mirror really, nor do I worry about them particularly. But I compared the passport picture with another picture of me, and oh my god. I got old.

More later...